No Unanswered Prayers

“There Are No Unanswered Prayers. 

At Times, The Answer Is  NO"

This thought for the day left an imprint on my mind. If one were to analyze, yes it is the truth but acceptance of it bitter. 

By nature, we tend to look up to God and pray more in our hour of need with the hope that His Divinity will not fail us. When we are not bestowed as we wish, we believe that our prayers were unanswered. But actually, it was answered with a simple no which we realize after an agonizing wait. 

During that painful wait, we are filled alternately with hope, despair, uncertainty, confusion and such like, not to mention the aspersions/praises we cast. What makes it worse is that the time line for that ‘wait’ can never be determined. Moreover, during ‘the wait’ we need to make our own conscientious efforts for our prayers to fructify. Most of the times, we fail to realize it is a ‘No’ but repeatedly we keep pleading.. 

“It was never meant to be” is a tough answer to accept and tougher to let go and reconcile. This requires great mental strength. The reasons for the negative result could be attributed to lack of total faith ,inadequate prayers or the powerful influence of past Karma in spite of us putting in our best efforts on all fronts. 

In my view, there are just two ways of looking at a No from God. 

As the saying goes.. ‘When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” This rumination of closed door has a great opportunity cost which we realize too late 

Secondly, while we would like to be aware of the reasons as to why our prayers and efforts were not rewarded , in the scheme of things designed by God there is no way to know. We are left to accept the outcome with resignation. 

In conclusion, the Divinity manifests in many ways and the onus to realize that God is impartial to all and there is a cause and effect ruling our lives lies on us. 

I faithfully believe He handholds us and walks by our side.

Life is Precious

More often than not, we read in newspaper, “Boy commits suicide for failing in exams”, “Girl hangs herself for treachery by lover”, Mounting debt drives man to consume poison and so on. Taking away a life is an act of cowardice, an easy and foolish option, without exploring the immense potential that life can offer.

Is life really that worthless to sacrifice? To me life is most precious, as precious as we can make it out to be, by the value we attach to it. A mere reprimand or a failure or an adversity does not mean end of life. It is just a pointer that we have been given one more chance to prove our mettle and the value we attach to life.

Life would be without charm and monotonous, if it was even like a straight line without challenges and struggle. It is the ups and downs in life and the joy of overcoming the hurdles or serving others when in comfort that makes life enchanting adding value to it. "Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough” as Emily Dickinson put it. It is the trials that strengthen us to face daunting situations.  Show me one man, who says he has had no worry, I will show you a liar.

In comparison to countless forms of life, to be born as human is the most precious and a blessing. We are gifted with conscience and intelligence. God made us unique in comparison to other forms of life, not that other forms are worthless. Each had its purpose.  We are endowed with more ability, decision making capability, and tremendous intelligence. Ponder over the fact that just one strand of our DNA, contains more information than what man can store on a single computer hard drive.

An absolute moment to realize life’s preciousness is the moment of near death. It is then we begin to pray, think of all our misdeeds, it is then we think of how important it is to live no matter how lowly it may seem.

Our perception determines life’s preciousness and our perceptions are guided by our conscience. So, all that we need is a clear & transparent conscience. There must be an understanding that life is an opportunity and a test.   There is a God given purpose to it be one high or low in position.  Life is a trust and the time spent on enjoyment and pleasure, beyond what is essential to lead a simple life, is a breach of trust.  Living to love and loving to serve God’s children is the purpose of life.   Invest life in service and be grateful to God for the opportunity.

One may perversely argue whether life could be considered precious if one were handicapped and deprived of some faculty? If one cannot   see the beautiful greenery around him or hear the birds chirping or its beautiful songs or be able to talk with others, can we deem then one’s life is not precious?  It would be good to remember the amazing work done by people with serious disabilities. The Paradise lost was written by a blind Milton, Beethoven the great composer was deaf, Stephen Hawking, the renowned theoretical physicist has motor neuron problem, Helen Keller who was a great author, political activist and lecturer was blind and deaf.  There is countless number of such people across the world that may not be   famous but still live with honour, battling, and overcoming their disabilities every single day of their lives. They never give up.

Life is as precious as you make it and we could make it more precious by accepting reality, doing away with frustrations and unhappiness and living it with a whole lot of positivity and faith in God.

Life is all about trusting your feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness; appreciating the memories and learning from the pain and realizing that people ALWAYS change.

DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!

Krish & Sri got promoted.  Sri thought,  ““ I deserve this, actually  it was long over due”, as for Krish, he got it because of his boss pleasing tactics”

At the society’s meeting, Anup and Sharma decided to contest for the post of Secretary.  In Sharma’s thoughts “ I have a passion to  serve our society for the betterment of our colony & Anup is for the importance of the position and may be to get some personal benefits.”

Lata to Reema: “My son is studious and knows his subject well, Payal’s son  he’s a mere book worm and relies on rote”

“I buy only what is needed. My hubby is also strict..Rekhas is a compulsive buyer , her hubby is henpecked”

We live in a world full of double standards! where we accept different yardsticks for different people often based on gender, religion, wealth, color of skin, nationality etc.

Why is that what applies to others does not apply to me and vice versa? We see it everywhere and in everyone, be it schools, offices or public places.

Many of us have a tendency to be judgmental of others. It is like if we are in similar situations, we paint a different picture. A more sympathetic one of ourselves and “ serves them right” picture  for others.

Why do he have double standards ? But our society is ridden with double standards, for e.g. “A man  can order  around and he is treated like someone who is in charge and a leader. But when a woman communicates in the exact same way, she’s immediately labeled assertive, dominating, aggressive.”  I fail to understand why in earlier times,  boys got a better education that girls,  when  girls are better at academics and work?

I also wonder why celebrities are treated on a different standard than a commoner, be it at a place of worship, airports, criminal acts and so on. Even justice is delayed or fast depending on your being a celebrity.

 

Double standard is widely prevalent in the case of women, be it in wages paid for the same work, glass ceilings in offices, selection of women for certain positions, renting houses and ever so many areas

Having a double standard is a negative trait, These situations of double standards arise when we are devoid of sincerity in words and action and fail to see the right perspective. For this you need empathy, and selflessness.   Double standards  differ from hypocrisy , former  is a rule or principle unfairly applied to different ways to different groups in a similar situation, while the latter is when your actions differ from your words

Double standards cause confusion and are unjust. To me having double standards means we are self centred , have a mean mentality and different yardsticks of measurement.

Integrity Counts!

I work for a MNC and a part of our training curriculum is a program “Integrity Counts” which is an initiative to inculcate ethics and compliance awareness amongst the staff.  This spurred me to reflect on the situation around me.

Integrity is a prized requirement for all  but sadly  we see a down slide of this value in every sphere.  We see it in our daily life and  is disturbing.  Some instances:

•         While waiting for the bus,  saw 2 school kids discussing, one said, “I have not written my essay, give  me yours, I will copy it, the teacher will not realize because you are not in my class”.

•         We have read about teachers encouraging worse allowing the students to copy during exams

•         The peon at the tax office,  who happens to have an access to the files, says, “ Sir, I will get you that letter,  swalpa enaadaru kodi ( please give me something)”

Unlike the earlier times, Integrity does not seem to find a place in the lexicon of today’s generation. I still remember my grandpa saying “ I have given my word,  I have to stand by it” while to day I hear “ Forget it , even if checked , nothing's going  to happen anyway”

Integrity is a quality which encompasses many other qualities like trust, honesty and righteousness. Small routine activities speak volumes of our integrity.   The many acts of integrity can be found and observed when we are with family, friends and colleagues.  I think that when we see an act of dishonesty  or something alike we have  to voice our concern, help sustain integrity and discourage negative values.  But then, many times we don’t,  for the  simple reason we are afraid or troubled by the thought how others would react or prefer to ignore and remain silent.  In the process we become passive abettors.

My boss always emphasises that our thought, word and line of action should be identical, these words coming from a person in the hot seat is most inspiring.  Once you are upright and truthful in your dealings, it generates trust and reputation and a blissful sleep.

Integrity is a value which has to come from within, we have to honest with ourselves before we expect it from somebody.

Many times, when I talk to the  younger generation, I am asked what will these values give you? In retort , I say “ It gives me trust, reputation and helps nurture relationships. The result of which may not be seen immediately, but will be there in the years to come. Above all it gives total satisfaction."

"If each one of us endeavor to value integrity in all our dealings, there would be a great and welcome change in the affairs of the nation as a whole"  


As Oprah Winfrey said “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.”

Who is your Role Model?

While I was at  the park the other day , I happened to hear the conversation of 3 girls all of 8 years. One said “ I want to become like my Mom” ,the other said, “ No, I don’t want to cook and clean the house, I will become like “Dad” ,the other one said “ no, Kareena Kapoor because  my photo  will come in paper every day and I will have lots of money”. This set me thinking...

In my view , a role model is someone whom I would look up to and emulate, someone who would make a difference, motivate me to achieve my potential.   As Paul D Shafer says “The most important single influence in the life of a person is another person ... who is worthy of emulation.”

To put it differently I can quote  Rachel Carson when she says that  “If a child is too keep alive his inborn sense of wonder ... he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in.”

As kids, we all took fancy to our teachers or maybe our class leaders as role models, they were infallible! As we grew, it changed to sportsperson, heroes/heroines carried away by the likes of our peers.  As we step into are careers, we perhaps looked up to those who excelled our field, our management gurus, enterprising entrepreneurs, doctors.  But the question is what does it take to be a role model? Should it be a celebrity or someone who has the best job title? Actually, no. Even ordinary people whom we encounter in daily life but  who inspire us, motivate and lead the way can  become role models.

I know of a person who has a great passion ,ability and dedication to write, encourage others to write and guide them, such are  role models.  Role models are selfless,  have great value system, fore sight and the ability to overcome hindrances. To me,  someone who overcomes all obstacles  along their way to their goal, who perseveres , a never-say-die attitude is a role model.

Do we need a role model? Yes, we need a role model, she/he helps us to get where we want go,  they help us recognize the opportunities we have within ourselves, they help us become more responsible and  face challenges.

As we move on in life, we meet many people who tend to influence us but a role model is someone who has extraordinary  influence on us, who has altered you as a person  .But one man's role model need not be another’s.  The role model for a spiritual aspirant is different from one who wishes to excel in cricket or one who wants to be a successful politician. A role model is one after whom we shape our efforts to attain our goal. Even for persons with same or similar aims, the role models can differ depending on what they look for.

 All said a role model is essential for every individual who wishes to make  a mark to stay focused on the goal. He is like a lighthouse for ships in the high seas to reach safely the harbour-the harbour for individuals is their goal in life

“Lives of great men all remind us we can make our lives sublime; and, departing, leave behind us, footprints on the sands of time” – HW Longfellow.

Why Pray ?

For most of us the day begins with a prayer.

But many times, doubts assail in my mind why should we begin the day praying or rather thanking God? What if I do not, will I have terrible day? Is it a sin? , while such questions rage in mind, how many have the courage to skip the morning ritual?

We agree that God is omnipresent and all powerful and is in complete control of everything, but still we pray for health, wealth, forgiveness and sustenance . But the question is when God is in control, why at all we need to pray?

For one, I am sure, God does not have to be impressed upon, the sequence of life’s happenings are preordained , as some say based on karma, then why pray? I am told that the effects of the purva karma,good or bad, will have to be passed through and even god does not interfere with that.

In my mind we pray because we want to connect to God, tell what is on our minds, have that intimate dependence , to deepen our relationship with God. This profound relationship nutures us, gives us stability. Prayer makes our mind clean and keeps us away from evil thoughts.We do not add to the bad karma.

I also opine that praying is not asking/begging for favours, There is nothing wrong in asking, but don’t persist. I would ask for a blessing and leave to God’s will, for he knows best. By accepting God’s will, irrespective of the outcome, we would have garnered the spiritual strength and perhaps get more marvelous things! The trust in god gives us the confidence and positive attitude so necessary for success.

It reminds us of our place of humility, and that there is a divine force above, guiding us.In today’s fast paced times, we hardly want to spend time with God but yet expect that all our whims and fancies are granted, which is unfair. It is like any other relationship, you get what you give .

For me, prayers is not only by going to places of worship, chanting religious verses, performing rituals.While these help in focusing the mind and disciplining it, it is not a prerequisite. But thinking of God, sharing your thoughts with him, sincerity in the work we dowithout worrying about the outcome is real prayer.

Prayers done with good intent and honesty will always be answered in His own mysterious ways.But one must remember that god helps those who help themselves.One's sincere effort is a must for god to grant the wishes."Trust in god but keep the gunpowder dry" said Oliver Cromwell to his soldiers.

Should Demonstrations cause Inconvenience ?

It happened in Bangalore on this Tuesday ( Jan 17th).  As a  part of an agitation around  300 advocates assembled together and blocked the City’s center that  resulted in a massive traffic  jam and untold inconvenience to commuters for more than six hours.

The provocation for this flash demonstration of solidarity amongst the advocates was that on January 14  three lawyers and two  cops had an altercation regarding traffic violation  that led to mutual assault. Both the lawyers and police have their own versions of the incident.  Instead of taking a lawful route to resolve the issue the lawyers resorted to a flash agitation on a working day in the heart of Bangalore at SBM Circle. 

Thousands of office-goers, outstation passengers, school children, college students had a harrowing time. Several ambulances ferrying critical patients ground to a halt in the traffic jam, The advocates shouted slogans and emotions ruled high. There were stone pelting at public transport and police vehicles.  They resorted to rasta roko unmoved by the pleas of police and the stranded public. It was finally resolved with the police agreeing to suspend the two cops involved.

About three years back, a former CM of Karnataka held a rally at Palace Grounds to which busloads of people came from all over the state. When the rally ended around 4:00 p.m., hundreds of buses carrying the participants along with city’s regular traffic created a  grid lock, forcing school children, office goers and public to walk home.  Children reached home as late 8 o’clock in the night!

When such flash agitations occur, it is the public at large, who are least involved with the agitating issue, who are most inconvenienced.  The organizers of such rallies or  protesters are well aware of the chaos these agitations would cause  but they still go ahead with their programme to create the maximum dislocations as possible hoping that government would listen only then.

 Imagine the anxious moments of family whose member is in the ambulance needing immediate medical attention ,  the apprehensive moments of a mother waiting for her child or  impatience of passengers trying to catch their train or their flight.  I see no reason why people should suffer for no fault of theirs. These agitations provide the ideal climate for unsocial elements to join the fray leading to looting of shops..

  
In my perspective, all of us have a right to protest, ensure our voice is heard and corrective action taken.  But It should be  done in peaceful manner holding placards and wearing black badges,  Even  designated places can be earmarked for such protests even if they are for popular causes like   Anna movement as was done  at Freedom Park at Bangalore. Alternatively, adequate notice should be given to the official machinery for taking suitable traffic diversions, informing the public, schools and colleges. Taking law into one’s own hands and causing disruption would only result losing public support for the causes,.  The concerns should be voiced by peaceful means through various medium such, newspapers, TVs, and social networking sites,  The means adopted is as important as the ends.

A MATTER OF TRUST

On a visit to a pilgrim centre, as I alighted from the train and looked around for a taxi, I was approached by an auto driver of around 60, who offered to take me to the hotel at a reasonable price.  On the way to the hotel, he began asking me from where I was and why I was here and how I knew of the hotel and so on.  There was a slew of questions coming one after the other quickly! I was assailed with doubts. Why does he want to know and what are his intentions?  Does he have any ulterior motive? Is he part of any gang? But I answered him briefly that it was arranged by the travel agency.

 He then said, “Madam, this place is full of touts who cheat and fleece unwary pilgrims. Since you are a lady and your visit is only for a few hours, if you have trust in me I will take you to the temple and guide you so that the darshan is quick, hassle free and not expensive.”While I was debating within my mind, looking at my uncertain expression he said “Madam, please trust me, no harm would come to you. In fact you can pay me at the end when I drop you at the railway station. If you wish can leave your belongings in my auto, but please ensure that you carry with you your purse and phone.”  This statement hit me in the face – His trust worthiness and my trust deficit!  As assured by him, the visit went off really well without any glitch and I was a satisfied soul.   As I recounted the incident on my way back, I reflected on TRUST.

To me ‘Trust’ is confidence you generally place on a person after an evaluation of his honesty, reliability, his integrity.  It decides the success of any relationship, be it husband-wife, client-professional or employer –employee and every other relationship.  We become trust worthy by the way we maintain or build our relationship.  

To retain trustworthiness amongst our contacts, one has to adhere strictly to certain principles:

To be trustworthy you have to be truthful – even an iota of deceit can bring the trust crashing down and give room for suspicion.  Your words and action would have to match.

You have to honour your commitments – be they promises, appointments or being punctual. This trait invariably generates trust.

It requires loyalty – it is not that you praise him to sky on his face and denounce on his back.  Being trustworthy is when you pat someone’s back even in his absence.

Never have a superior attitude, value the viewpoints, judgments and experiences of others.  The acceptance that we are not infallible is a first step to win trust.

We must recognize, admit and accept responsibility for the mistakes we make.

Cooperation is another requirement; follow policies, procedures, systems in office and the family guidelines at home.

Trust is strengthened through good communication – being open in your communication and not being            

The greatest benefit of being trustworthy   is the feel good factor.  How happy would you be when you are reposed with confidence/ trust?   Your self esteem   grows by the knowledge that you are trustworthy!

Trustworthiness is an admirable trait.  It is the index of our intent to be honest, loyal, unbiased, humble, accountable, cooperative, just and communicative.

To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved. – George MacDonald

A quiz on trustworthiness.

 Rating of 1 – never, 2-sometimes, 3-frequently 4-always

1.      I tell the truth, even if it might make me look bad.

2.      I treat people fairly.

3.      I behave ethically.

4.      I admit when I’ve made a mistake.

5.      If I promise it, I deliver it.

6.      I am consistent in what I do.

7.      I can be depended upon.

8.      I take time to understand the expectations and needs of others.

9.      I stand up for what is right

Scoring:

27-36: You are Trustworthy.

18-26: You need to become more trustworthy

<18: Trust is missing in your lexicon!